"It's in an envelope ready for the FBI. They're on stand by, just waiting for a location." <-- I think you want standby there, meaning #8 here: http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/stand%20by
8. on standby, in a state of readiness to act, respond, or be used immediately when needed.
Ditto here, make it standby: "If the FBI are on stand by,
Jack won a hand, lost a hand and let his eyes wander round the room between deals. <-- 'round, I'm going with http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/'round:
43. Also,'round. around: The music goes round and round.
Since you have 'til later, I think that, stylistically it would fit better.
Jack kept his mind and face as blank as possibly, maintaining the gambler's liturgy <-- possible, not possibly
fight. Nodding all round, Jack pushed a few <-- same point as above, with using 'round instead of round.
Hywel flushed deeper red, dropping his eyes to the coverlet. "I'm so sorry."
"It's alright." <-- whenever you write a story, if you want to catch them all, do a find and replace all of 'alright' for 'all right'. Tell me if you actually want this one picked up on, whenever I read your stories. If you do, then I'll continue to point it out, and if you don't, then I'll stop putting it in to be corrected.
I'm glad to see Hywel still has some kind of feelings for Jack. *grin* I also really want to applaud Jack, for how he dealt with that situation. I agree, I think Jack does have his own code, and I also think that he never, ever forces anyone to "dance". I also really love how you're handling the telepathy aspect so far. :)
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Date: 2007-05-04 07:44 am (UTC)8. on standby, in a state of readiness to act, respond, or be used immediately when needed.
Ditto here, make it standby: "If the FBI are on stand by,
Jack won a hand, lost a hand and let his eyes wander round the room between deals. <-- 'round, I'm going with http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/'round:
43. Also,'round. around: The music goes round and round.
Since you have 'til later, I think that, stylistically it would fit better.
Jack kept his mind and face as blank as possibly, maintaining the gambler's liturgy <-- possible, not possibly
fight. Nodding all round, Jack pushed a few <-- same point as above, with using 'round instead of round.
Hywel flushed deeper red, dropping his eyes to the coverlet. "I'm so sorry."
"It's alright." <-- whenever you write a story, if you want to catch them all, do a find and replace all of 'alright' for 'all right'. Tell me if you actually want this one picked up on, whenever I read your stories. If you do, then I'll continue to point it out, and if you don't, then I'll stop putting it in to be corrected.
I'm glad to see Hywel still has some kind of feelings for Jack. *grin* I also really want to applaud Jack, for how he dealt with that situation. I agree, I think Jack does have his own code, and I also think that he never, ever forces anyone to "dance". I also really love how you're handling the telepathy aspect so far. :)