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Kindness (Torchwood ficlet)
This story is part of my multi-fandom Halloween costume for ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
karaokegirl's Come as you aren't party, being held all this week. The index of stories can be found here
Title: Kindness
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters or Pairing: Jack Harkness
Rating/warnings/spoilers: G/none/for 'Small Worlds'
Word Count: ~300
Summary: He hadn't known it was possible to miss something that was within your reach.
Kindness
I could have seen for miles and miles
I could have made you feel alive
Not a day goes by that Jack doesn't want to tell her. It's not that she's the only woman he's ever loved, or that he somehow thinks they could spend the rest of her life together. But Estelle is a connection to a past he actually has, not one that he stole from someone else or has to keep buried so deep that even he doesn't think about it. She's a real, living part of who he used to be, and he misses her so much it hurts.
He hadn't known it was possible to miss something that was within your reach. She's right there, real and physical and such a very long way away. There have been a hundred times that he could have said something, could have told her that it was him, that he remembered everything and that she'd stayed in his thoughts for forty long years. But for all her talk of fairies and groves and magic, he knows that he can't tell her this. If it was just about keeping his cover intact, he'd tell her in a heartbeat, but it's not.
For the hundredth time, he puts a match to the half-started letter, watching his words crinkle and turn black, then to ashes. How can he tell her that he is unaffected by the years while she has grown relentlessly older? How can he pretend that they can regain what they had, when neither of them are who they used to be? How can he be so cruel as to tell her the truth? He tells himself that it's kinder this way, that there's no time left for them, and that he's doing the right thing.
Except he's not sure if he's doing it for her, or just for himself.
karaokegirl's Come as you aren't party, being held all this week. The index of stories can be found hereTitle: Kindness
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters or Pairing: Jack Harkness
Rating/warnings/spoilers: G/none/for 'Small Worlds'
Word Count: ~300
Summary: He hadn't known it was possible to miss something that was within your reach.
Kindness
I could have seen for miles and miles
I could have made you feel alive
Not a day goes by that Jack doesn't want to tell her. It's not that she's the only woman he's ever loved, or that he somehow thinks they could spend the rest of her life together. But Estelle is a connection to a past he actually has, not one that he stole from someone else or has to keep buried so deep that even he doesn't think about it. She's a real, living part of who he used to be, and he misses her so much it hurts.
He hadn't known it was possible to miss something that was within your reach. She's right there, real and physical and such a very long way away. There have been a hundred times that he could have said something, could have told her that it was him, that he remembered everything and that she'd stayed in his thoughts for forty long years. But for all her talk of fairies and groves and magic, he knows that he can't tell her this. If it was just about keeping his cover intact, he'd tell her in a heartbeat, but it's not.
For the hundredth time, he puts a match to the half-started letter, watching his words crinkle and turn black, then to ashes. How can he tell her that he is unaffected by the years while she has grown relentlessly older? How can he pretend that they can regain what they had, when neither of them are who they used to be? How can he be so cruel as to tell her the truth? He tells himself that it's kinder this way, that there's no time left for them, and that he's doing the right thing.
Except he's not sure if he's doing it for her, or just for himself.