Torchwood/Discworld Crossover: Episode 4

[jadesfire]

Title: Loose Ends

Words: ~1200
Rating/Spoilers: PG/Only for what's common knowledge

Summary: Even when you think it's over, there's always something...

This one's for crystalshard who wanted the meeting and miss_zedem who'll appreciate the grammar.
EDIT: I've also just noticed that szm and lady_razzle got their requested meetings as well... I aim to please!

Part 1: Myfanwy and Fish
Part 2: Hex
Interlude: Sand
Part 3: Ook



Loose Ends

"And so I said to him, we'll just have to go over the top!"

Jack loved having an audience, especially such an appreciative one. It more than made up for the stony glare he was receiving from the other end of the table. If the old lady in front of him was putty in his hands, her companion was as hard as a Trellian diamond.

Grinning over his glass, Jack watched his newest fan munch her way through the last of the olives. It was quite the education, particularly when she got to the stone. Her companion made a small, huffing noise and Jack turned to her with his brightest smile. Its wattage was usually sufficient to dazzle the most cynical soul. This time, it had all the effect of shining a torch into a black hole.

"Don't try anything on with me, young man," she warned, looking down her nose at him. "Gytha's the easy one."

"Too true," the olive-eater put in, grinning happily.

"Nothing further from my mind," Jack assured her, not turning down the wattage, even a little. "In fact, I'm going to have to love you and leave you, just for a while."

"Promises, promises." The last of the olives finished, the enthusiastic muncher grinned up at him, baring her tooth. "They're starting the karaoke soon, and I know this great song about…"

"I'll hurry back for it," Jack said, slipping out of the booth quickly and collecting two glasses of water from the barman before making his way into one of the darkest corners of the room. In this bar, that meant that you needed either echolocation or a good memory not to bump into the furniture.

Jack's head thumped against a low beam.

"Ouch."

"Careful." The woman at the corner table was wearing a dark cloak and, when she pushed it back, her hair shone white in the gloom, all but a single black streak. From somewhere on the other side of the bar, the first notes of an introduction could be heard as the karaoke got started.

"Why do people always say that after you've hurt yourself?" Jack asked, putting the glasses down on the table.

"To feel smug," Susan said, taking the water and sipping it experimentally.

"It's just water," Jack assured her, wrapping his fingers round his own glass. "Although I wasn't expecting you."

"He wouldn't come." Susan sighed. "He finds your company…"

"Disconcerting?"

"INSULTING."

Jack shivered. "Do you have to do that?"

"It was a direct quote. Sorry." Her expression suggesting a distinct lack of apology, Susan took another sip of water. "He doesn't appreciate all the trouble you put him to, you know. And I don't appreciate playing messenger."

"You have somewhere better to be?"

"Actually, yes. The class are just mastering gerunds. It's a very important skill."

Jack frowned. "Isn't that a kind of small penguin?"

"Yes, Jack," Susan said wearily. "Alongside grammar and geometry, I also teach ornithology and animal husbandry. It makes a terrible mess in the classroom but they get extra stars for helping clean up. And now that I've used up this year's sarcasm allowance, can we get down to business?"

Holding up his hands in surrender, Jack said, "You're the ones who wanted to see me, remember?"

"Only after the mess you made."

"You want an apology?" Jack shook his head. "I had no idea. You know that."

"These things have consequences, Jack. As if having you pop in and out every five minutes like you've got a season ticket wasn't enough, do you have to encourage your staff to do the same?"

"Okay, number one, it's not my fault that someone installed a revolving door into…" he waved a hand vaguely, "…wherever. You find a way to shut it and I'll personally throw away the key. Number two, I think you'll find I did everything possible to stop her coming back. It's not like I put an "in case of death" instruction in the training manual."

They glared silently at each other for a long moment. The karaoke played on regardless and the high, cackling notes carried throughout the small room.

…the sheep is a classic, as well you may find, the llama's all right…

Finally, Susan said,

"It can't keep happening, Jack."

"Me or her?"

"Both."

He blinked. "I don't…"

"Eventually, that revolving door of yours is going to stick"

"I know." He shrugged. "You're the ones with the timers. When it sticks, it sticks."

Susan looked away at last, reaching into her cloak and pulling out a small, white object which she put on the table between their glasses.

"He sent you this, and said not to let it happen again."

Carefully, Jack moved his glass to see the object better, then looked up at Susan. "Tell him thanks. I'll do my best."

Susan got to her feet as though to leave, then she hesitated, turning back to the table. The karaoke singer was still belting out verses with great enthusiasm.

…the dog's man's best friend if you don't mind the fleas…

When Jack looked up, Susan reached inside her cloak again, taking out a larger object and holding it out so that he could see. It was an hourglass, the frame polished to a deep black and the bottom bulb full of black sand. The sand was moving, a continual trickle of black onto black. It was more or less what he had expected. Then Susan moved closer, and Jack saw that there was nothing in the top bulb; it was completely empty. The sand simply appeared at the join between the two and ran down into the bottom, never filling it and never running out.

He gave her a curious look.

"What does it mean?"

"If you find out, please let us know. Take care." She put the hourglass away again then paused as Jack took her hand and lightly kissed her fingers.

"Thank you."

"I won't tell him about that part," she said, her face reddening and showing three white marks across her cheek. "He gets protective."

"I don't blame him."

"Goodbye, Jack."

Jack sat for a while longer, staring at the small white object on the table. The white queen seemed to glow in the darkness, and when he picked it up, it was cold despite the warmth of the pub. He smiled to himself, put the chess piece in his jacket pocket and headed back towards the bar.

"Jack!" The singer waved to him with the microphone. "Come on, join in with the chorus." She began to sing again. "The hedgehog can never…"

Jack waved back, shaking his head and sitting at one of the bar stools.

"Is she always like this?" he asked his neighbour.

"Ook."

"That's what I thought. Oh, and I'm sorry about the other night."

"Ook. Ook ook."

"Well, it's good of you to say so. If it's any comfort, he had to scale his extra-curricular activities right back for a few days."

"Eek ook."

"You're right about that." Taking the glass of water the barman had brought him, Jack raised it to the singer, who was just reaching the good part.

Roll them all over and turn them around,
The hedgehog can never…

---

The version of the Hedgehog Song quoted above can be found here

And this is a gerund. This is not a gerund.

Comments

[szm.livejournal.com]

O.k that's offical now, you are a genius! *looks at you in awe*

Nanny Ogg *bounces*. See there was the part with the witches, which was awesome! Then the part with Susan, which was even better.

I think I kinda love you.

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*blushes* Thanks so much :) I like to try all kinds of different things and although these didn't come out as funny as I'd hoped for, I'm quietly pleased with them. And Nanny Ogg is such a joy to write!

So glad you enjoyed :D

[mimarie.livejournal.com]

Wonderful. Just wonderful. Just read all five in order and... Igor! Tosh and Ponder Stibbons, Owen and 'monkey boy' (I was wincing as he said it) and Angua helping out a fellow cop too... Jack meeting Gytha Ogg and Granny Weatherwax... And the hedgehog song! Adding to memories - before I run out of exclamation marks ;)

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

You know, when you reach five exclamation marks it's a clear sign of madness... ;) So glad you enjoyed - I'd never attempt Discworld fanfic, so it was fun to play with the characters in a different way.

Thanks!!!!!

[crowson75.livejournal.com]

Aw, Nanny Ogg and Susan! Just marvellous. You are SO good!

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

Thanks! As this was the last one, I wanted to get as many characters in as possible. Thanks so much for your lovely comments - glad you enjoyed!

[beccaelizabeth]

:-D

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin*

[crystalshard.livejournal.com]

Oh gods. Jack meets Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax and Susan and the Librarian. I'd pay to see this on TV, animated or otherwise.

You've got Susan's voice down perfectly. And I love that she gave Jack Suzie's chess piece.

Heck, what don't I love about this story?

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin* I'm so pleased. I got a bit worried about the lack of funny in these last few stories, but, as ever, I'm at the mercy of the characters. Susan (like Angua - what is it with Pratchett's young women?) was incredibly hard to pin down, so I'm glad you liked her. The chess piece was her idea...

So glad you enjoyed! Thanks! :D

[miss-zedem.livejournal.com]

"Actually, yes. The class are just mastering gerunds. It's a very important skill."

Jack frowned. "Isn't that a kind of small penguin?"

That made me laugh so much!! (it's official. I'm a geek :))

And you used the Hedgehog Song! And Jack understands the Librarian! And Death finds Jack insulting!

On top of all this, you illustrated gerunds with a link to St Custards *melts in puddle of geeky joy*

'Reality,' sa Molesworth 2, 'is so unspeakably sordid it makes me shudder.' (That little quotation won't mean anything to anyone not familiar with the genius of Molesworth :D)

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

I thought you'd like that. We used to draw Gerunds all the way through Latin classes at school...I haven't actually read much Molesworth, but I had a friend who was a big fan. It made me laugh too (always does!) so I thought it might work for someone else as well *joins in geekiness*

And, as it was the last story, I wanted to get as many characters/references in as possible. It's nice to know that other people get them too :)

So glad you enjoyed - thanks!

[neadods.livejournal.com]

This is fantastic - easily my favorite of them all, because you juggle so many very different characters and get them all right.

That, and Granny Weatherwax automatically wins at everything she's included in. Because she's Granny Weatherwax.

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

But of course :) I couldn't find a way to get more of her in there - Nanny started singing and, well, that was the end of it really ;)

Thanks so much - really glad you enjoyed :)

[sepia-words.livejournal.com]

Nanny Ogg, Granny Weatherwax, Susan and the Librarian. And Molesworth illustrations! You spoil us :) Great stuff

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

You spoil us
I try :) It was more a case of who I could leave out with this one - Jack gets on with everybody!

Thanks - glad you enjoyed :D

[idontlikegravy.livejournal.com]

Genius. Absolute pure bloody genius, there is no other word for it.
Owen sats the 'M' word *snigger*
Nanny Ogg, Granny Weatherwax and Susan with Jack (er now there's a mental image I didn't need) ROTFL
Genius. :D

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin* I was a bit worried that I'd forgotten to bring the funny for the last few - glad you liked them!

And you're right, that's not a good mental image :S

Thanks!

[skitty-kat.livejournal.com]

Um ... SQUEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!! The best yet, I swear. Possibly. But they're all great.

I thought it couldn't get any better with Granny and Nanny. Jack and Nanny Ogg; if that isn't a pairing made in geek-heaven I don't know what it.

Then you brought Susan into it! And with a perfect Susan line: "To feel smug". Absolute Susan in three words. I can imagine Death being a bit peeved at Jack for all the to-ing and fro-ing. He got irritated enough at Rincewind.

And the hedgehog song! *showers you with love (though not in a filthy way)*

"the sheep is a classic" -well, Torchwood 3 is in Wales, after all...

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin* I wondered if anyone would notice the sheep...

Susan and Angua turned out to be quite tricky to pin down, so I'm pleased they sounded right.

So glad you enjoyed - they were much fun to write and have really broken my writer's block - yay! Thanks :)

[skitty-kat.livejournal.com]

Living here means will never pass the opportunity to make a joke about sheep.

Marks and Spencer were even selling chocolate sheep this Easter...

[marag.livejournal.com]

And now I can die happy. Jack and Susan. Her sarcasm was just *perfect*!

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin* well, there are worse ways to go..

Susan was hard to pin down, but apparently worth the effort - so glad you enjoyed :) Thanks!

[lessien-c.livejournal.com]

I read the five of these in one go, and they're fantastic! Well done.

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

All five? And your brain's still ok? *grin* must be doing something wrong...

Thanks so much - they were much fun to write and it's great to know that they're enjoyed. :D

[nnwest.livejournal.com]

There's too much to love here, but my favorite bit is:
"He wouldn't come." Susan sighed. "He finds your company…"

"Disconcerting?"

"INSULTING."

Of course, Jack has to meet up with Nanny Ogg! Suzie's encounter with Death in the earlier segment was great too.

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

I love it when Susan does 'the voice' and so couldn't resist. And this just worked better than Jack and Death, for some reason - Suzie was just right. I'm totally at the mercy of the characters ;)

Thanks so much - glad you enjoyed.

[jwaneeta.livejournal.com]

That was a fantastic little series. I loved it!

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :D

[aoife-8.livejournal.com]

Just wonderful! Although I'd like more Granny Weatherwax. Granny rocks. And I bet Jack knows a few extra verses to the Hedgehog Song that Nanny Ogg doesn't! I hope you write more fic set in this world because you have the voices down pat, and you do it so well. I'm currently re-reading Wyrd Sisters so I can say that with complete confidence...!

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

Yes, Granny rocks but with so many other characters trying to get a word in, she had to take her turn ;)

I never say never about these things, but there won't be more for quite a while...

Thanks so much - glad you enjoyed.

[clancy-s.livejournal.com]

I know not Discworld but these were great fun from the Torchwood only angle. I particularly like the image of the hourglass with the sand coming into being in the middle.

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin* Good to know you weren't too confused :) The two fandoms sit surprisingly well together.

Thanks and glad you enjoyed. :)

[laligin.livejournal.com]

*is a puddle of laughter*

You. Are. Genius. As in, you are the quality itself, not a mere example. *nods*

I adore these. So very good. :)

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin* Thanks :) They were much fun to write - glad you enjoyed!

[laurab1.livejournal.com]

Genius :) Thanks!

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin* Glad you enjoyed :)

[icantfollow.livejournal.com]

I was half-expecting Jack to meet with Vimes, but this was even better. Yes, I would expect Susan and Death to be a bit ticked off with Jack and his 'revolving door' death policy.

Fantastic, I loved them all.

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I wrote a ninth Doctor meets Vimes drabble that I was quite pleased with (in the end) but thought Susan and Nanny worked better for Jack :)

Glad you enjoyed!

[ebonyfeather.livejournal.com]

I was directed to these fics by a friend's recommendation and I am so glad I was! Just read them all and absolutely loved them- you had the characters spot on. Nicely done.

[badly_knitted]

Even Jack's charm can't put a dent in Granny Weatherwax, but yes, Nanny Ogg would be delighted by him!

Death really shouldn't blame Jack for his situation, it's not like he asked for it! The Suzie thing... Well, maybe he could have been a bit more careful there.

Owen will recover, though I suspect he'll avoid the Librarian in future.