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jadesfireAnd now, a meme! And if I can get my act together later, a commentary/set of notes on my Big Bang process, that doesn't just consist of flailing.
Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you. (Please note: If you simply wish to comment on something I've said but don't want to participate in the meme, that is fine. I will only give you five words if you specifically comment you with 'Words!')
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aeron_lanart gave me Oxford, libraries, Discworld, honest, diverse
Oxford
I've lived in Oxford for nearly ten years now, the whole of my adult life. In October 1999, I arrived as a terrified student, and by the end of the first term, I was convinced that it was all going to be a disaster and I was going to get sent down. This is a fairly normal state of mind for Oxford Undergraduates, as well as appalling cases of Impostor Syndrome. But even when I was struggling with my studies, I loved this city. Like London, Oxford isn't always pretty, and it's not very nice in parts, but the whole adds up to something really special. On a sunny day, my favourite place is walking down Broad Street, looking up at the buildings all painted different colours. It's hard to put words around the feeling, somewhere between contentment and thrill, that I get from this city. The only other place I get it is central London, and it gives me energy and pleasure even when things are pretty hard going otherwise
Libraries
The library was my babysitter once I was old enough to get the bus home on my own. Because we didn't live on a direct bus route, I had to change at Walthamstow Central, and often used to wait at the Central Library for my mother. I can't remember a time when I couldn't use the catalogue, and I think it was at that point that I acquired the hoarding habit that's remained with me. The library was safe, it was comforting and it was fascinating. Admittedly, my tastes have always run to the low-brow end of the spectrum, but I'd worked my way pretty thoroughly through the crime section by the time I left school, as well as the audiobooks.
It was never where I was going to spend my working life, though. Until I'd finished my degree and was floating around purposelessly, I didn't even know librarianship was a career in the true sense of the word. Now I'm here, I still don't know if I quite have the temperament or the skills for this job, but I love being in libraries. Being surrounded by books always feels like home.
Discworld
I can't remember a time when I didn't know Terry Pratchett's books. At GCSE, while everyone else was writing about 'Brave New World' and 'The Color Purple' I wrote my coursework on "Guards! Guards!", comparing it to "You Only Live Twice" (using 'concepts of heroism' as the basis for it). It's never occurred to me that you couldn't get as much depth out of Pratchett as you do out of Dickens or Austen or any other great author. For me, it's not just – or even primarily – about the comedy, although some passages still crack me up. It's about the characters, and more than that, about the sharp eye that Pratchett brings to bear on humanity in general. Vimes' character arc from "Guards! Guards!" to "Thud!" is extraordinary, and while I didn't particularly enjoy the latter, that doesn't make it wrong for the character. My favourites are the ones I have on audiobook – Nightwatch, The Truth and Going Postal. All three feature a slightly bewildered but competent character 'doing the job that's in front of them'. That's become…important to me, somehow. The sharpness of Pratchett for me is always in those insight moments, where everything else is gone and the character is left with the simple question of who are you?. And I love that people end up rising to the occasions, often despite themselves, because in general, most of us aren't heroic or extraordinary. We're just doing the job that's in front of us, and that's what makes us special.
Honest
I have a policy of never saying anything I don't mean. I use language very precisely, and will often edit, re-edit then delete a comment, because I don't trust the words on a computer screen to convey the meaning I want to put behind them. This means I rarely post on 'big' issues. My honesty extends to not wanting to misrepresent the subject, and if I don't feel I know enough about it, I just won't say anything. Honesty for me doesn't mean just saying everything, all the time. It means that everything you *do* say is true, or true to the best of your knowledge at the time. Sometimes, it's better not to say anything, and I've mastered the art of the non-answer, because I'd rather keep quiet on a subject, but I don't want to lie. I think of myself as non-confrontational, but that's mostly because I'm good at anticipating trouble and cutting it off before it reaches confrontation-point. If I'm sure of my ground, you can't shift me (just ask J about the 'how many cycle clips do we own?' debate). If I'm not, then I just won't open my mouth. What I will do is a lot of reading round, thinking, crying (usually with sheer rage), more reading and thinking and then if I'm asked, I know what I think. Obviously in my head at some point 'honest' and 'informed' and 'right' got a little muddled up, but it's worked for me.
Er. That's not quite on-topic, is it? *drags brain back to the point* I think what Aeron's also got in mind is some of the more personal posts I've put in this journal about my mental-health struggles. That is something I believe in talking about, because I refuse to see it as anything to be ashamed of. I may choose not to share details (or to filter posts) because even I have privacy boundaries, but I don't see it as any worse than any other long-term medical condition. I can know that someone suffers from "X" without needing to know that they had to get up in the middle of the night three times to take drugs. Details are irrelevant – being able to share the big picture is important. So many of us go through these things in silence, and I never was one for stopping talking when I think something is important.
Diverse
This one has taken a bit of thought, because. Well. I can't imagine not being interested in everything, not wanting to learn a bit of quantum physics, medicine, Persian, geology and deep sea diving. How could you not want to know everything?
In a recent discussion of personality types (yes, this again, shush – it's a miracle that I've paid attention to one subject for as long as this and I'm kind of proud of myself) with a friend, I was trying to explain the different between the last letters of the Myers-Briggs types J and P. My husband and friend are both J. They see the world as a flow chart, where they are standing at one point and there are options. When they choose, it takes them to the next point on the flow chart, where they make another choice and so on. Sometimes it's more complicated than that, and the chart doubles back on itself or they can't make a decision or something like that, but mostly, they know where they're going because it stretches out in front of them.
My world is more like a mind map. (I'm ENTP, just for the record) It spreads out all around me, all at once. I can see all the possibilities and options and they all look so good. How do I choose from that lot? This is how I end up knowing a little about everything, and with the hotch-potch of skills I've acquired over the years. It's also why I drift so much, and why I have so much trouble with life-affecting decisions. I much prefer to just let the decision linger until I'm forced into one position or another, because even when I'm choosing, I can see 90 other options and all of them look good.
This leads to a deep sense of inadequacy, especially in a city like Oxford (heh, we've come full circle) where everyone is a specialist. On the other hand, I'm learning to live with my 'jack of all trades, master of none' status, and if I can acquire a few crucial skills (that I know my flist possess *smiels innocently*), I think I might be able to hold my head up a little more. I'd love to be really, really expert at something, but I don't think that's ever going to happen. What I can be is decent at a lot of things, and that just might get me further.
And just because I know you're all thinking it, yes, the Discworld character I'm most like is Leonard of Quirm. Why do you think I always use quotes to name my stories? Goodness only knows what they'd end up being called otherwise…
And because there are new people out there, and some I don't know very well, I like the wording of this meme:
"The problem with Live Journal is that we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. Hence, I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don’t know about you."
Reply to this meme by yelling "Words!" and I will give you five words that remind me of you. Then post them in your LJ and explain what they mean to you. (Please note: If you simply wish to comment on something I've said but don't want to participate in the meme, that is fine. I will only give you five words if you specifically comment you with 'Words!')
aeron_lanart gave me Oxford, libraries, Discworld, honest, diverseOxford
I've lived in Oxford for nearly ten years now, the whole of my adult life. In October 1999, I arrived as a terrified student, and by the end of the first term, I was convinced that it was all going to be a disaster and I was going to get sent down. This is a fairly normal state of mind for Oxford Undergraduates, as well as appalling cases of Impostor Syndrome. But even when I was struggling with my studies, I loved this city. Like London, Oxford isn't always pretty, and it's not very nice in parts, but the whole adds up to something really special. On a sunny day, my favourite place is walking down Broad Street, looking up at the buildings all painted different colours. It's hard to put words around the feeling, somewhere between contentment and thrill, that I get from this city. The only other place I get it is central London, and it gives me energy and pleasure even when things are pretty hard going otherwise
Libraries
The library was my babysitter once I was old enough to get the bus home on my own. Because we didn't live on a direct bus route, I had to change at Walthamstow Central, and often used to wait at the Central Library for my mother. I can't remember a time when I couldn't use the catalogue, and I think it was at that point that I acquired the hoarding habit that's remained with me. The library was safe, it was comforting and it was fascinating. Admittedly, my tastes have always run to the low-brow end of the spectrum, but I'd worked my way pretty thoroughly through the crime section by the time I left school, as well as the audiobooks.
It was never where I was going to spend my working life, though. Until I'd finished my degree and was floating around purposelessly, I didn't even know librarianship was a career in the true sense of the word. Now I'm here, I still don't know if I quite have the temperament or the skills for this job, but I love being in libraries. Being surrounded by books always feels like home.
Discworld
I can't remember a time when I didn't know Terry Pratchett's books. At GCSE, while everyone else was writing about 'Brave New World' and 'The Color Purple' I wrote my coursework on "Guards! Guards!", comparing it to "You Only Live Twice" (using 'concepts of heroism' as the basis for it). It's never occurred to me that you couldn't get as much depth out of Pratchett as you do out of Dickens or Austen or any other great author. For me, it's not just – or even primarily – about the comedy, although some passages still crack me up. It's about the characters, and more than that, about the sharp eye that Pratchett brings to bear on humanity in general. Vimes' character arc from "Guards! Guards!" to "Thud!" is extraordinary, and while I didn't particularly enjoy the latter, that doesn't make it wrong for the character. My favourites are the ones I have on audiobook – Nightwatch, The Truth and Going Postal. All three feature a slightly bewildered but competent character 'doing the job that's in front of them'. That's become…important to me, somehow. The sharpness of Pratchett for me is always in those insight moments, where everything else is gone and the character is left with the simple question of who are you?. And I love that people end up rising to the occasions, often despite themselves, because in general, most of us aren't heroic or extraordinary. We're just doing the job that's in front of us, and that's what makes us special.
Honest
I have a policy of never saying anything I don't mean. I use language very precisely, and will often edit, re-edit then delete a comment, because I don't trust the words on a computer screen to convey the meaning I want to put behind them. This means I rarely post on 'big' issues. My honesty extends to not wanting to misrepresent the subject, and if I don't feel I know enough about it, I just won't say anything. Honesty for me doesn't mean just saying everything, all the time. It means that everything you *do* say is true, or true to the best of your knowledge at the time. Sometimes, it's better not to say anything, and I've mastered the art of the non-answer, because I'd rather keep quiet on a subject, but I don't want to lie. I think of myself as non-confrontational, but that's mostly because I'm good at anticipating trouble and cutting it off before it reaches confrontation-point. If I'm sure of my ground, you can't shift me (just ask J about the 'how many cycle clips do we own?' debate). If I'm not, then I just won't open my mouth. What I will do is a lot of reading round, thinking, crying (usually with sheer rage), more reading and thinking and then if I'm asked, I know what I think. Obviously in my head at some point 'honest' and 'informed' and 'right' got a little muddled up, but it's worked for me.
Er. That's not quite on-topic, is it? *drags brain back to the point* I think what Aeron's also got in mind is some of the more personal posts I've put in this journal about my mental-health struggles. That is something I believe in talking about, because I refuse to see it as anything to be ashamed of. I may choose not to share details (or to filter posts) because even I have privacy boundaries, but I don't see it as any worse than any other long-term medical condition. I can know that someone suffers from "X" without needing to know that they had to get up in the middle of the night three times to take drugs. Details are irrelevant – being able to share the big picture is important. So many of us go through these things in silence, and I never was one for stopping talking when I think something is important.
Diverse
This one has taken a bit of thought, because. Well. I can't imagine not being interested in everything, not wanting to learn a bit of quantum physics, medicine, Persian, geology and deep sea diving. How could you not want to know everything?
In a recent discussion of personality types (yes, this again, shush – it's a miracle that I've paid attention to one subject for as long as this and I'm kind of proud of myself) with a friend, I was trying to explain the different between the last letters of the Myers-Briggs types J and P. My husband and friend are both J. They see the world as a flow chart, where they are standing at one point and there are options. When they choose, it takes them to the next point on the flow chart, where they make another choice and so on. Sometimes it's more complicated than that, and the chart doubles back on itself or they can't make a decision or something like that, but mostly, they know where they're going because it stretches out in front of them.
My world is more like a mind map. (I'm ENTP, just for the record) It spreads out all around me, all at once. I can see all the possibilities and options and they all look so good. How do I choose from that lot? This is how I end up knowing a little about everything, and with the hotch-potch of skills I've acquired over the years. It's also why I drift so much, and why I have so much trouble with life-affecting decisions. I much prefer to just let the decision linger until I'm forced into one position or another, because even when I'm choosing, I can see 90 other options and all of them look good.
This leads to a deep sense of inadequacy, especially in a city like Oxford (heh, we've come full circle) where everyone is a specialist. On the other hand, I'm learning to live with my 'jack of all trades, master of none' status, and if I can acquire a few crucial skills (that I know my flist possess *smiels innocently*), I think I might be able to hold my head up a little more. I'd love to be really, really expert at something, but I don't think that's ever going to happen. What I can be is decent at a lot of things, and that just might get me further.
And just because I know you're all thinking it, yes, the Discworld character I'm most like is Leonard of Quirm. Why do you think I always use quotes to name my stories? Goodness only knows what they'd end up being called otherwise…
And because there are new people out there, and some I don't know very well, I like the wording of this meme:
"The problem with Live Journal is that we all think we are so close, but really, we know nothing about each other. Hence, I want you to ask me something you think you should know about me. Something that should be obvious, but you have no idea about. Then post this in your LJ and find out what people don’t know about you."