Because I know nothing until I've said it out loud

[jadesfire]

VAGUE SPOILERS IN COMMENTS TOO! enter with care.



It wasn't until I was writing a comment to 51stcenturyfox that something occured to me. I don't make any secret of the fact that I filter my viewing through Jack's POV. He's my way in, he's my point of view character, he's the one I'm *really* interested in. I'm as interested in who Jack is before Torchwood (and after, possibly) as I am in Torchwood!Jack. Okay, yes, alright, probably more so, judging by how out of control Sic Transit Tempus got.

I've been saying that I don't really get the emotional punch from Ianto's death, because I'm not that invested in the character. And I wasn't, but I was terribly invested in Hugh, and killing him off was the second hardest thing I think I've written (the hardest was my recent Big Bang, which dealt with the same kind of theme*). Cardiff Reprise blocked me for weeks, and I couldn't write the previous story in the series because I knew that when I did, I'd have to write that one and the amount I didn't want to was epic.

So maybe I have a little more sympathy with people gutted by Ianto's loss than I thought. Just trying to write Cardiff Reprise was hard, and I was the one in control (well, mostly, but that's a moot point). Having it done to a beloved character and having no control whatsoever? Yeah, maybe I get why people are as upset as they are after all.

*My writing tends to have two basic themes: loss and home, often at the same time. No, I don't look at this too closely. It's working so far, and I'm worried that if I prod it, it'll fall apart.

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In other news, the name "jadesfire" is now up for grabs since the journal has been deleted and purged. That's the name I wanted 3 years ago when I turned up on LJ, and I only added the numbers because I had to. I'm considering buying this journal a birthday present in the form of a name-change token, but it looks a little...sparse...without the numbers. Definitely one to ponder.

Comments

[greyias.livejournal.com]

Covering my eyes on the spoilers since I've yet to watch the fourth episode but on the second... it'll be so lonely without the numbers! I'm so used to typing them after your name... but it would make DW crossposting easier in a way ;)

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

It would be lonely without the numbers! And bare! but I've been shifting to 'Jades' for quite a while now, and I always ask to be credited as 'Jadesfire', so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch, I think.

I am leaning towards it - I've been thinking of doing some spring-cleaning to go with the new journal layout anyway, so that would be good timing.

And yes, it'd make cross-posting much easier!

[greyias.livejournal.com]

*sniff* I guess I'll manage without the numbers somehow...

And, um, I'm really slow, but I finally just now (as in this second) realized why it's "2808" *smacks forehead*

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*giggle* It does make it harder for folks to forget, and it had to be a number I could remember!

[greyias.livejournal.com]

I might have caught on quicker had it been "0828"... but probably not by much.

[thalia]

[g] I was primed for it by sneezer222... guess what her birthday is.

[mad-jaks.livejournal.com]

In the early days I sometimes ended up in Jadesfire - but these days I'm equally as likely to mis-type in Dreamwidth and wonder why the version *with* numbers doesn't exist...

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

heh, even I used to end up there sometimes. I'm used to the numbers, and my gmail would remain the same, so *that* might be more confusing in the long run.

Everyone calls me 'Jades' anyway, so I guess it doesn't really matter (I swear, one day Z's going to call me that when I see her. more worryingly, I'm going to answer to it ;)) but it was just a passing thought...

[thalia]

Don't knock it--at cons, I'll answer to either Thalia or my real name without blinking. Even my Escapade roomie is just as likely to call me Thalia as not.

And I was thrilled to get just plain thalia over at DW, but it does make cross-posting a bit of a pain. I've totally given up on thalia at LJ.

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin* It's gonna happen one day, and it's amazing how quickly we get used to it, isn't it?

I'd more or less given up on jadesfire, tbh, so was chuffed when it fell vacant. It doesn't really matter, but I was intrigued to know what people thought :)

[darsynia.livejournal.com]

I hear you--my husband calls me Darsy now, as does my mom, haha. I actually seriously considered changing my name to Darsynia IRL but the idea of having all my internet identities SO firmly connected with my real life was a bit intimidating.

[mad-jaks.livejournal.com]

Heck if I ever get to meet you in real life I am likely to call you Jades. (We all call kethni Kethni in real life and that is not her real name but she answers to it... ;-))

[greyias.livejournal.com]

It's weird, but eventually your online name becomes just another name, or nickname as it were. The first time I heard someone call me "Grey" I was actually surprised at how natural it sounded, and that I didn't stare blankly not realizing they were talking to me.

Of course, I've gone by "Grey" online since I was thirteen, so it's been my name longer than it hasn't been.

[aeshna_uk]

I'm just awkward. The name I usually go by is Smitty (there are folks who've known me through cons for 20 years who still don't know my real name), which is what I'm called pretty much everywhere except work. "Aeshna" came about because when I first started dabbling in a media fandom, there was already a "Smitty" writing there, so I adopted a writing name. When I came over the LJ, all the decent Smitty-based names were already gone, as was plain "aeshna".

I don't think anybody has ever called me "Aeshna" other than on-screen - if they did, it might take me a while to realise it was me they were after! :)

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*grin* I always think of you as 'Smitty', because that's what comes up on my email notifications. I think I tend to associate people with images more than words - either an icon or a journal layout - so yeah, names aren't really an issue.

I'm going to end up in the wrong place so many times if I do decide to switch, aren't I? ;D

[aeshna_uk]

If you switch, everybody will get used to it in a week. Of course, I don't know how that would affect things like fic links to the current address....

On the other point - I did get rather attached to some of my OCs when I was writing my tardis_bigbang story and after some 40,000 words in their company, found myself welling up a bit when it came time to say goodbye to them. But there was never any question of sudden escapes - the story demanded and the story got. Sometimes you just have to hit that emotional note that only a death can provide and I actually have great respect for the TW writers for going there.

[thalia]

Also, you did a great job with Hugh's death, I have to admit. That was a horribly painful story to read, especially, I think, since the actual death was off-screen.

I think Ianto's death is extra-hard because everything is happening so quickly--we don't have time to absorb one episode before the next airs. I'm loving the pacing, though--this is how Torchwood should have been from the start. And I have *no idea* how they're going to resolve this story.

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

I was ultimately pleased with the story, but can I re-read it? Can I heck as like. As ever, the focus was on Jack's reaction, but it was no less painful for that.

You're absolutely right about the pacing. One of the things that makes the ending really work is the slow pacing as Gwen comes to look at the bodies. It's measured and careful and with plenty of space, literally and figuratively. Which is such a change from the fast pace of the episodes so far that *that's* when the death really hit me and I had to break out the tissues.

Not knowing what's going to happen is wonderful, though. Plotting is not always Torchwood's strong point, but while there have been some holes in this, overall, it's been so tense and gripping and unpredictable. Just brilliant.

VAGUE SPOILERS IN MY COMMENT

[darsynia.livejournal.com]

I say go for it! Those of us that talk about you behind your back all flattering-like call you Jadesfire anyway :P *grins*

I think my problem with the fourth installment was I really realized how much I liked [spoiler] via watching the first three and this one, especially the interactions between the two. So [spoiler] really hit me hard unexpectedly, because I felt like I'd just been duped, I guess. I would have felt the same way about any of them, actually, come to think of it, because the miniseries so far made me LOVE every single one of them a lot more than I had previously.

Re: VAGUE SPOILERS IN MY COMMENT

[jadesfire2808.livejournal.com]

*g* That's good to know, thanks :P I'm definitely leaning towards it, but not 100% sure yet. Maybe as a birthday present for this journal next week...

I know what you mean about really getting to love the characters then having it pulled away. On the other hand, the fact that we *were* being set up to love the characters so much should have told us something like this was going to happen. RTD does like to screw with us :S