Wonderful randomness

I'm waist deep in mud on The Wandering Years at the moment but I found a sheet of paper with these on in the staff room this morning and they made me smile.

From the Daily Telegraph
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."

( More like this )

And some actual announcements that London Tube drivers have made to their passengers...

1. "Ladies and Gentlemen, I do apologise for the delay to your service. I know you're all dying to get home, unless, of course, you happen to be married to my ex-wife, in which case you'll want to cross over to the Westbound and go in the opposite direction."

( Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from E & B syndrome... )