(no subject)

[jadesfire]

Day 7:

In your own space, create a love meme for yourself. Let people tell you how amazing and awesome and loveable you really are. Leave a comment in this post saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so. Surf the comments and find people to give love to.



To understand why this is so hard for me, you have to know that I don’t do these sort of memes. I don’t invite groups to things. I don’t have parties.

That’s because no one answers. I am turned dowm, either immediately or at the last minute. That’s okay, I’ve learned to live with it. But I’m not someone who gets thought of, invited, or who folks will turn out for. It’s tough, but a couple of years ago, I just accepted it as a thing. I have a few, precious friends, mostly in far-flung places, and that’s more than enough.

And I’ve always had a similar experience doing friending/love memes. I think I can be hard to get to know, and so don’t pop to the top of people’s minds like other folks do. Again, it’s just a thing, and I stopped doing them, because even if you accept it, having it rubbed in your face is... tough.

But, when I was thinking about taking part in this, I was thinking what I could put. And all I can come up with is that I’m a human being, all of whom deserve love. Just because. Not for any specific quality, but because they exist. And even if I don’t get replies to this, it doesn’t mean I don’t. All it means is that I didn’t get any replies. so even if just as a reminder of that, it’s worth posting.

Comments

[bardsley]

I can relate very strongly to what you wrote about things tending to go awry in friending memes and RL, so I know how very brave it is for you to take part in this. I'm proud of you. The statement you made here is incredibly moving and profound.

Also, just to let you know, the link that you left no the Snowflake Challenge reply led me to a 404 page. I thought you would want to know that the link isn't working.

[jadesfire]

Okay, the irony of that made me laugh. I’ll go and see if I can sort it, but I think it’s my iPad sticking in smart quotes instead of straight ones. I’ll forget the HTML and repost.

Thank you so much!

[bardsley]

No problem!

[tangeriner]

I know we have not known each other very long, but I feel like I could have written this myself, and you've actually inspired me to do day 7 when, upon first reading it, I was pretty resigned to just skipping it (for seriously, all the same reasons). And I loved your last line - so very true! I'm now very determined. Thank you!

I definitely think you're pretty awesome so far: you put yourself out there when I was looking for new people day 4 and I really appreciated it, then and now, and you podfic, which is a talent I find amazing and am very in awe of anyone who can do it.

[jadesfire]

When your self-esteem takes a knocking, I think there’s a tendency to assume that random events are somehow direct result of you being who you are. But sometimes, a cigar is just a cigar, and Stuff Happens. Don’t get me wrong, when I’m low on spoons, I can’t think like that, but when I can, I think it does me good to make a note of it!

Go you for doing it! We are all FABULOUS <3

[naye]

You are brilliant and lovely and I am very glad I still get to read your posts and tweets and look at your pictures and everything even though we're not in the same fandom anymore!

And you are a really thoughtful friend - we just unpacked all our boxes today, and I was so glad to find the quilt you made and place it on our new sofa, where it brings a splash of beautiful color against the gray. ♥

I love how you get so focused on projects and really stick with them - it's inspiring for me when I try to get myself together and adhere to routines. And it's really wonderful to know there's another gen fan out there! ♥

[jadesfire]

*smishes you*

Also: ahahahahahahahah. I’m going to print this comment to show J next time he accuses me of having a short attention span.

It thrills me so much that you’re still using the quilt. Every time I saw it in one of your cat oics, I wanted to comment “QUILT!!!!” Marvel at my restraint ;D

[naye]

*smishes back*

You should! You're really organised and determined to get stuff done and then sometimes Life Happens but most of the time what you post about is sticking to your plans and that's really awesome.

Of course we're still using the quilt! It had a place of honor in our last sofa, and will continue to brighten up our lives in our new flat.

[tjs_whatnot]

Are we the same person? I am this person too. I'm better online than IRL, but yeah, I'm this person too.

♥

[jadesfire]

I'm kind of rubbish at both, but am working on it :D

I can't top your gif! That's perfect! <3 *hugs*

[itsadrizzit]

I will say that I applaud you for taking part in this even though you have these feelings/reactions. I admire your honesty in this statement.

Also! We've not had a huge number of fannish interactions, but I have appreciated your thoughts in the matters we have interacted on. I'm looking forward to many more discussions on podfic or whatever other topics we might happen to intersect on.

[jadesfire]

Thank you so much. I worry about being too honest or open, but it's yet to let me down, and mostly, people have been open and lovely in return. Just like this <3

[sophinisba]

Hello! I see this is a love meme and not a friending meme but I'd like to add you to my circle because I loved the podfic of yours that I listened to yesterday. I'm not sure how much I'll be on Dreamwidth going forward but you seem great and I hope to start getting to know you better. :)

[jadesfire]

Aw, that's lovely, thank you! I'm loving this challenge for meeting all kinds of lovely new people :D

[unfeathered]

If there's one thing LJ/DW have taught me over the last almost 11 years, it's that virtually everyone I've met here has the same problem with confidence and responses etc., especially outside in real life.

I may not have talked to you much over the last few years, but I had not forgotten you. I will always remember you as the person who was good enough to beta the first fic I posted, and dozens more besides, and as someone who made the effort to come and see me in a show, and as someone I knitted a hat for which you then made sure you told me you were wearing, more than once. And as one of the people who got me through a really, really hard few years with depression and marital problems and toddler problems, who listened to me and sympathised and was there for me.

*loves you*

[jadesfire]

*smishes*

I think something I'm starting to realise is that for me, my flist *is* my fandom. It doesn't matter if we don't fan on the same things any more. Awesome people are still awesome <3

[analise010]

I love that you have inspired people to create transformative works policies and promote fanworks other than fic. (Someone even said that you told them about #ITPE, which was how they discovered that podfic was a thing!) You're amazing and your dedication to fandom shines bright. ♥

[jadesfire]

Aw, thank you! It's been awesome interacting with people again. I could definitely get used to this!

[spikedluv]

It's so interesting to me that many of us feel a little bit like outsiders. I'm so glad you decided to make this post because I've been wanting to tell you THANK YOU! I see your name on nearly every Snowflake post I comment on and I can't tell you how much I appreciate you being so encouraging and supporting your fellow fans like that. I can't help but feel that the people who don't show up to your gatherings are missing out. <3

[jadesfire]

It has been a JOY getting around to see what other people are writing. We all deserve the love, and it's been such a pleasure to spread it around <3

[mekare]

Thank you for posting anyway and making me brave enough to do my own post (at first I wanted to skip). ♥ ♥

[jadesfire]

Woot! This makes me so ridiculously happy <3

[mekare]

This love meme thing turned out better than I expected. Courage encourages. ♥

[avon7]

Even before I read today's comment I was going to say that I admire your toughness because reading earlier Snowflake posts made that clear. Well done on doing something you find hard. I still think I'm sitting this one out, but you've nearly inspired me. (oh, and you quilt - that's definitely something to like!)

[jadesfire]

Thank you. It's funny, I don't think of myself as tough, but I am damn stubborn ;)

Crafting is a real joy to me, and something else I want to get back to this year for sure!

[mmouse15]

Wow. I feel like I could have written this. You are amazing, and brave, and I really admire that.

Possibly friends?

[jadesfire]

Heh, I am prone to over-share, but I've found it's helped both me and others, so it's worth it :D Added you right on back!

[silveradept]

This feeling I know well. Including the part where the realization that your human-ness means you deserve it, whether or not you get any replies.

And then people show up and remind you of the things you've forgotten. (It's kind of like that end bit in the Charlie Brown winter special. Kind of.)

[jadesfire]

Kind of :D

I work things out aloud, and it was only when I got to the last paragraph that I realised what I needed to remind myself of. I think we all need reminding of it sometimes :)

[akamine_chan]

I totally get these feelings, and I try really hard to ignore them.

I've kinda felt this way my whole life, but as I've gotten older, I found that in order to receive, you have to give, and I used to be really bad at giving freely.

Now, I just fling stuff into the void, and if it gets a response, then yay. If not, well, maybe next time. :D

We haven't known each other for very long, and we're still pretty close to being strangers to each other, but I'm hoping to change that, because what I've seen so far is a pretty amazing, talented and cool person. <3

[jadesfire]

Oh yes. I totally withdrew from life in the middle of 2016, and it was only last autumn that I worked out it was probably because of it that I wasn't seeing anybody! I think opening up again is going to be my 2018 project, and yeah, I'm going to get hurt again, but I'm also going to find new, awesome people, which will balance the scales.

These things take time, and I'm looking forward to getting to know you too - I already love your Twitter feed, so we're off to a good start :)